The Vice Captain’s Log-June 2014

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Like, where’s your head at man? Wow, two months gone already. Craig’s like, a cool cat, but sometimes he has to get his head together in the country. Climb mountains. See beyond the horizon. Take in nature. Om.

Zen’s the future. Zen and the art of cricket. Like, you know, that dude in Kung Fu. Not the blind one. No, not even Jimmy can bat blindfolded. Though he is one cool tiger. Hey, who needs two hands to catch when you’ve got skills like that? Light a cigarette. Relax. Skin up, have a beer. The ball will find your hand *if you are at one with the ball*. Be at one with the ball. Though not so much it breaks your fingers. That must be karma at work dude.

What are you saying? Look, the Laughing Buddha is a great role model. OK, I guess just not necessarily a great physical one. But I’m not just operating on the physical plane, man. I’m getting signals from the 4th dimension which tell me when to change the bowling. At the moment with the sun in Gemini, I have to be patient. Or put Steve Big Nell on. Man, he *psyches* those batsmen. Just watch them. It’s like Warne and Cullinan without the pies and the wait. Big up Stew Taylor too. Those Sunderland dudes were blown away by his triple measure, which is also how he takes his gin, I hear. This is the Age of Spin. Or maybe it’s our age that means we have to bowl spin.

Those Portuguese, man. Friendly guys. Tried a bit too hard to fry our brains, you get me? They know how to party, just not so much as we do. Seriously, anyone who tries to medicine a Tiger needs to start with port at breakfast not just lunch and dinner.

I put the hairiest guys in the team to open the batting in Porto and both did great, though I understand Ian’s season will be curtailed by filming of the new Star Wars film as Chewbacca’s stunt double. Wrighty was great. You know, he got himself back into the garden, and wow, you know? Amazeballs.

The Nelson Cup. You know he was a heavy dude, right? Only had one arm, hope he fielded like Jimmy. Great performances all over the field:

Webster. He knows when to be tight and when to be loose. That can’t be taught. That’s cosmic.

Barnaby. He’s like a cat. A very thirsty cat.

Ian, summoning Yorkers like a high priest.

Mike Delanian, that’s not a bat, that’s a Voodoo wand from Cuba. Magic.

The above mentioned spin-twins.

The Renster. How can you lose with this guy in the team?

Time to go, see you back on the field for midsummer games.

Peace x

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